Screenplay Custody Arrangement

Dear Jesse,

I co-authored a screenplay. 

When a producer gave us a deadline for a finished version, my writing partner ghosted on me, and I had to finish the script on my own.  

My partner showed up two days before the deadline with a bunch of notes and requests for changes to be made on their behalf.  

I’m so angry, and I don’t know what to do!

Can you help?

Your situation is as if you and a partner decided to have a baby. You got knocked up, you decorated the nursery, you fantasized about baby names and barfed in morning sickness. You believed you were in it together. Then…a month before your due date, your partner went out for a pack of smokes and didn’t come home. You grieved, confused. You labored alone. You stayed up all night and didn’t take a shower for eight days. You also fell in love with this sweet creature you made. Then, when your baby was three months old, this schmuck traipsed back into your life as if nothing happened. AND, they had the gall to lecture you about using formula instead of breastfeeding. You’ve been betrayed, and you have every right to be furious. A shared project is a covenant, and your writing partner broke it. 

In my twenties, I ghosted two collaborators. Before you get mad at me, in my defense, this was right at the beginning of the project, as we were first “dating” each other and deciding if we even wanted to make something together. My ghosting clearly made my intentions known (even if I was in too much denial to say it out loud): I did not have the capacity to take on those projects. Deep in pathological overwork and avoidance, I disappeared. So those projects never progressed beyond a first ideation conversation. Alas, I ghosted an immersive 1:1, probably tarot-inspired solo performance and a stripped-down production of The Sound of Music set in a church basement. I regret this ghosting. It cut off relationships and denigrated my self trust (also…something about that SOM production sounds cool?). But I’m glad I ghosted a first date instead of leaving someone at the altar. 

To turn to your question, first, I’m curious if this is completely out-of-the-blue behavior for this partner, or does this make sense as part of a pattern? If this is truly out of the blue, I might put down your (righteous!) rage for a moment and ask, “What the fuck? Are you okay? What’s going on?” It’s possible this friend is really struggling with something (family emergency? Addiction? Illness? Mental health crisis?) and is too ashamed to be transparent about it. TOTALLY not an excuse for this bullshit behavior, but if you care about them, this conversation might be both clarifying and supportive to you both.

If the above doesn’t help/isn’t possible, in the short term, I think you have every right to not implement their notes. “You left this process without communicating. I’ve been working on this final draft for months. Your notes are not welcome at this point in the process.” If you are anything like me (conflict-averse, a bit codependent), this will be terrifying. But good art isn’t made under the gun and full of resentment. Your screenplay, the baby(!), will suffer if you try to change it under these conditions. Think of the children!

Turn in the draft. Close the document on your computer. Tell your partner you’re going offline and will be back in touch soon. Take a week off. Sleep for ten hours. Take some walks to a body of water. Finally, deal with that pile of laundry in the chair in your bedroom. Consume some amazing art that inspires you; I prescribe contemporary dance—sit in the dark and witness abstraction. 

When you’re ready, call your partner and set a meeting. Choose a neutral location, perhaps a beautiful park you can walk through together. Speak with “I” statements. See what emerges. It will probably be messy. The hard feelings won’t go away. But are there any cracks in this impossible situation where a bit of ease might come in? Pay attention to those cracks, and they might grow. 

Eventually, you’ll have to move from the feelings-y stuff back into the brass tacks of art. Maybe you can make some commitments about how you’ll collaborate during the shooting of this film. Or maybe you try to make a “custody arrangement” and negotiate one of you leading the rest of the process while the other takes a step back (and you negotiate the related money and credit accordingly).

When in doubt, ask the screenplay what it needs. I’m anthropomorphizing a script, and as a child of divorce, I know I’m projecting, but a work of art is a living thing, a spiritual entity. Pray to it. See what comes back. This screenplay is of both of you. It knows what it needs to thrive, and its thriving is bound up in both of yours. Trust the wisdom you’ve built together.

P.S. Thank you so much to those of you who made a contribution to the bail fund for the community member detained by ICE last week. As of 5 PM on Thursday, we are close to our $3K goal! I realize that I forgot to mention how to enter the raffle for the cake! So if you contributed and would like to be part of the raffle, please either email me ([email protected]) or make a comment on your Venmo transaction with your email or phone number.